Dawn Walton, MSc.Psych,DipCHyp,MNLP,MBPsS

One of the most common causes of struggles we have in our adult lives comes from feeling unloveable. 

Most of what we do as kids is about seeking the love and approval of the responsible adults around us. As a result of this, it is quite common for us to make 'recording errors' for some of the memories that we have. 

For example, one day as a child you accidentally knock your mother's favourite mug on the floor. She goes mad at you, shouting and telling you how much she loved that mug. She sends you to your room to think about how you can be more careful in the future.

Because we have limited processing ability as kids, instead of just seeing that the mother was just upset over the loss of a mug, we are likely to make it about us. "Mummy shouted at me. I did something wrong. She doesn't love me"

This memory gets stored in this way in your subconscious. 

Then you find, in adult life, your boss shouts at you one day and instead of just being able to see that they were in a bad mood, you find yourself reflecting on how useless you must be to get something wrong again. 

You don't for one moment think that it had anything to do with that mug you broke all those years ago - and yet that response, that feeling, has come from your subconscious based on that memory. 

As I bring up my daughter I am very aware of how easy these mis-interpretations happen. 

I spend a lot of my time saying things like "I love you even when I'm cross at you", "or "I love you even when you fart!". We make it a game and have a joke about it, but I always stick to the same message 

I love you no matter what you do or how I am behaving

So you can imagine my delight the other day when I was driving to the pool with my daughter in the car. I was singing and making annoying noises. She kept telling me to stop and that it was annoying. So of course I carried on. 

Eventually she turned to me and said

Mummy, I love you even when you annoy me

I laughed. It was perfect. 

With Cognitive Hypnotherapy we can help you to reframe those miscalculations in storing key memories. We can use your adult, multidimensional understanding to communicate to that child that it was not about love - it was just about a broken mug. And you might be surprised by how many things then change in your adult life, now things no longer have any association to whether or not you are loveable. 

So why not drop me an email and see how I can help? Dawn@thinkitchangeit.com